Slurpees, slushies, icees: This is Serious Mum

Posted by Blokeman on November 18, 2007 under General Bloke Stuff | Be the First to Comment

With the Australian election spin doctoring, and campaigning well under way, I feel it’s time that the major parties sat up and took notice of an issue of the utmost importance, something that is important to us all, and something that has been in major decline over the last few years that could spell disaster for us and out children.

“What is it?” I pretend to imagine hearing that is what you are saying, mainly for dramatic effect.

Well, it isn’t climate change, that has been covered, albeit lightly, but it has been addressed by the major parties, so no, it’s not that. What it is, is the sudden and major decline in the amount of “Slurpee” machines in Australia.The holy grail

I remember a time when you could walk into any service station, just about any convenience store and numerous other places, and see the over sized plastic Icee cup sitting atop a machine in the corner, buzzing away and ready to offer up its frozen slushee delights to your ravaging summer thirst.

Now personally I am a fiend for Icees, I love the things, I can think of no situation that I have been in where an Icee would not have been welcomed, this includes being on the edge of hypothermia stuck on a small boat in the middle of Jindabyne lake during a snow storm, it sure would have calmed my nerves and taken away the fear and certainty that death was closing in around me, hell if my hands were around an Icee, deaths icey hands would not have been so scary (see what I did there).

Now at no other time is an Icee more welcomed in my life that the day I awake with a hang over that would kill a bear. Thirst gripping my tongue, at that feeling like you have been licking sand paper. You know the one, it’s the “I am never drinking again” hangover. On those days, I have one purpose and one aim that gives me hope and that keeps me going, and that is that I will find an Icee, I will drink said Icee and all will be right with the world.

Recently on one of these days, I embarked on a journey to find my salvation, I mustered the strength to dress, get my car keys and venture out into the overly bright light of the day. I though I would hit the biggest servo near me, it’s new, only opened within the last 2 or so years, so i thought “Of course they will have an icee machine”. But alas, I was wrong, bleary eyed, I headed to every part of this service station I thought would contain the machine, but there was none.

Slightly disheartened but not yet beaten, I continued my drive along Military road, and  stopped at yet another service station, thinking that no way would 2 service stations not offer up the goods. So I get out of the car, stroll in with the swagger of a man who knows his utmost desire was about to be fulfilled, but once again I was beaten. So in a blind panic, with the fear of not having my Icee craving fulfilled, I got into my car, chucked a “uey” and headed back in the other direction, stopped at another service station, but once again was denied.

Now things were getting desperate and I was preparing to make the journey to the Northern beaches just to find an Icee, i pulled up at Shell with the foreknowledge that once in the distant path I was sure that I had walked out in glee sucking on a frozen coke before. With the anticipation of a kid on Christmas eve I charged onward to the door, a smile erupted on my face, and I headed toward the machine, went to get a cup, and noticed, not churning coloured ice, but black emptiness where my icey treat should be.
I turned to the clerk, my bottom lip all a quiver pleading, and hoping that it was just a joke, and any moment he was going to produce some magic from behind the counter, but all I got in his Indian accent “Sorry mate, it broken”.

A tear streamed down my face for there were no more servos within a reasonable distance and the 7-11 long ago did away with their machine. That tear was not one of a crying woosy girl, it was a tear for the loss and the knowledge that never again would I be pacified with Icee’s in my neighborhood, it was a tear for all those that have gone before me and all those that would follow, it was a tear for the loss of hope, the loss of innocence and the loss of icee’s for all North Shore kind.

I was a broken man, and as all broken hungover men do, I did the only self respecting thing left to do. I went to Macdonald’s.  My heart was buoyed slightly because of the renovations that had been recently completed, the new place was awe inspiring and I drove into that Brady Bunch designed drive through, with the amazement of a kid on a roller coaster, climbing to the top. Excited both for the new experience and for the 100% knowledge that at the very least a Quarter Pounder would soon be between my teeth (out of the gutter please people). Then I saw it, I saw something that made me fall in love with this so called evil corporation, something that made me want to impale all those anti maccas campaigners on tooth picks. I saw a sign that read “Frozen Coke, small, medium and Large” with the prices next to it. I ordered that Frozen coke, and boy was that a deserved drink, I look back at that day with the fondest memories and one i will tell my children and grand children, the day that I found frozen coke!

But I leave you with a question, one I think we should all be concerned about and one I think that we should address.

Where have all the Icee machines gone?