Off the Wall: The piss trough endurance race

Posted by Blokeman on October 22, 2008 under General Bloke Stuff | 2 Comments to Read

The world is My Urinal, well every guys urinal, that doesn’t mean that we don’t actually use urinals. real and actual urinal, especially in a pub situation, we queue up and uncomforably sometimes with your shoulders rubbing the blokes next to you, you pull out your best few inches and cut one loose.

Of course with this, and especially in light of recent posts on here (man rules, and the follow up) it may be worth noting some of these, however this is not what the article is about.

Quick Rules:

  1. Look straight ahead or down and straight ahead, any sideways look…well you get the idea
  2. Aim at the vertical part about 5 inches above the flat spot, this way no one has to deal with your splash back on their feet, shoes and legs
  3. Conversation unless you are with a friend, is strictly forbidden, this is a business trip, not a social meeting place
  4. Spacial and social awareness even went drunk must be on the fore of your mind
  5. We all know which urinal to occupy, and we know the rules, always leave a gap, never force anyone to walk up next to you, only sidle up to someone in an emergency or extremely busy event

There are more, but again not the point of this article.

Just because there are many Taboo’s related to the use or urinals and accepted social behavior, it does not mean that we can not have fun with it. One of the games that is played is the “Piss Endurance Race”, it is an unspoken game, you know when you are in it, there is no need to verbally, or physically engage your oponent or oponents as it may be, eye contact is considered a mortal sin in any male toilet.

However the winner takes all, the bragging rights, they have the bigger bladder, they have drunk more, they likely have the biggest cock and have the ladies queueing around the corner just to be near them.

How the game works.

  • Urinal user one steps up sets legs at around shoulder width, flops out the old fella and starts
  • Usually for this game to begin, it means another contender or multiple contenders need to have stepped up to the plate, preferably at or close to the same time as user 1, however user 1 can oft boast louder to his mates, if a contender steps in half way through and walks out first
  • The idea is, who can last longer, the person and it is important to remember the rules (No looking sideways etc) wins the race. A contender signals the end of their shot at gold, by the zip sound made the their fly and stepping away from the urinal.
  • Not a word is ever said to other contenders, before, during or after the game. There is no need to engage the other competitors, it is simply a race within each individuals own head, you know if you have lost and you know if you have won, likely some of your mates do too, and you all then talk about how massive your penis must be.

It is a great game and I recommend it as a confident booster to all, train yourself by drinking plenty of booze and trying to hold your bathroom visits until the last minute, don’t peak to early and get a steady stream going, a one handed wall lean can often help with this, but it is important not to use that as leverage.

In recent time though, the younger generations, knowing they can not compete with us hardened and seasoned older competitors, have re-invented the game to try to win it in their own minds, this time they change to a race of speed, who finishes early, I don’t condone this and that tells me you simply have the pissing ability of a horse, some kind of urine pump or simply you are small of shlong. You will know when you are being scouted for this race, you just need to listen, oftent the metal of the urinal will buckle with the force of the would be competitors expulsions and usually accompanied by backsplash around your face and on the ceiling.

Lets keep it clean people, the race is of endurance, don’t make a mockery of the sanctity of the male toilets!

Man Rules broken, with international exposure

Posted by Blokeman on October 14, 2008 under General Bloke Stuff, Serious Side | 2 Comments to Read

Not even 24 hours after posting 3 of the most fundemental and basic rules of being a man, have I come across one of the rules, that I thought went without saying, the rule breaking as well is on a scale so large that it has reached international news status.

So heinous is the breaking of the rules I can barely bring myself to publish this.

However this site and rule breaker need to be outed!

What is the rule I hear you ask?

  • Rule 4: No man, excepting for on his bucks night, Mad Monday footy team celebrations or for comical appeal, shall wear womens clothing, wearing of womens clothing and attempting to make it Manly is a crime against all who have penis knocking between their thighs. Rule breakers should be shamed and forced to watch movies such as Rocky, Dirty Dozen, The entire collection of Chuck Norris shows and movies and last but not least, should watch at least 24 hours worth of Lesbian Porn, to hopefully drill it out of them.
  • Rule 4, Sub-section a: If during the viewing of the Lesbian Porn, the perpetrator of the heinous act again Manliness, utters any line such as “Wow I like her dress” or comments at all upon the lovely actresses clothing, apart from saying “She is wearing too many clothes” the man shall immediately hand in his penis to the nearest surgeon and be forced to become a full time woman, banning them from a spot on the couch during any cricket, football or car racing event.

You have been fairly warned people

Basic rules of being a man

Posted by Blokeman on October 13, 2008 under General Bloke Stuff, Serious Side | 8 Comments to Read

Recently during nights out with the boys and in my general day to day discussions, I have noticed that many men are forgetting the basic unwritten laws of being a bloke, and have crossed the boundaries into womens territory, scaring the life out of me and opening up some pretty awkward social occasions. I guess it is up to me to run a refresher course for all of those out there, that may need to get back up to speed with the laws of manhood.

  1. (and very possibly the most important) Friends, and other men, should not let friends wear speedos, there is no excuse for this rule, anyone caught wearing speedos, must immediately have the light thrust upon then and their sexuality seriously questioned by all men who witnessed the wearing, worse still the friends of said speedo wearing friend, must surely be ostracized until such time as they have proven themselves to be fit for blokish social exposure.
  2. Men should never discuss with another man, the goings on of any soap or reality television show, unless it is to inform the other man, of an opportunity to see bare breasted women. Any information beyond this, especially when speaking of the lives of the cast of the soap or reality show outside of the show, should be deemed woman’s talk and the breaker of said rule, should be forced to wear womens clothing until they are sufficiently shamed.
  3. When confronted with the question of whom should drive, no man should, unless they are unable through the drinking of many a beer, disability or other extreme exceptional circumstance, shall allow a woman to drive, especially if there are other males present to take up driving duties.

These are 3 of the most important rules of being a man, however in the coming weeks, I will continue to update you with further rules, and ask you to offer those that I have missed

These are speedos…these are wrong:

These Are Speedos....These are wrong

These Are Speedos....These are wrong