Grasshopper, Rhinoceros beetles, Praying Mantis…..what next

Posted by Blokeman on September 4, 2008 under General Bloke Stuff | Read the First Comment

Every day I become more and more surprised at the wildlife around me in this new home state of mine, and that people do not live in constant fear of being attacked and eaten by grasshoppers and their entourage of insanely huge insect buddies that roam in gangs around the neighborhood with a blood lust and evil intent.

I am sure you may have read in the past my various post on grasshoppers and their pure evil that emanates from them in every waking moment of their horrible lives.

Well recently the family of bugs invading my work sanctuary known as “The office” which is a room that has been built as part of the garage. I suspect the cat has something to do with it still, but as of yet I can’t prove it, though she has taken to sleeping on my underwear in the cupboard and surprising me when I go to grab a fresh pair in the morning. All part of her plan for world domination I am sure.

Recently there has been a Praying Mantis about the size of  an iPhone perched on the screen door to the office, every time I walk past it rocks back and forth ready to pounce at my jugular. I took a photo, but haven’t had a chance to upload it so stay tuned for photo’s of my friend Sticky!.

Then last Saturday night as we sat there watching a movie we heard one of our dogs alerting us to the presence of game, after all Cav’s were hunting dogs at one stage. His alert bark was then drowned out by an almighty hissing.
“My god” I thought to myself, “what has he got there, a cat the size of a mountain lion?”

Rhino the Rhinoceros beetle

Rhino the Rhinoceros beetle

So out I trudged to check it out, and what did I find, a massive Rhinoceros Beetle, laying on it’s back with my dogs looking at it with curiosity. Then I heard it hiss, it was this “tiny” beetle about the size of a golf ball making a noise that sounded like a cat hissing. Not impressed I quickly grabbed a jar and imprisoned the little angry bugger to show my fiance who was stuck on the couch with a broken leg. The little bugger wouldn’t stop hissing, so he took a vacation over the fence, and let me tell you he sounded like a golf ball hitting the ground too!

What next?

Cane Toads I assume!

Everybody needs good neighbors

Posted by Blokeman on August 27, 2008 under General Bloke Stuff | Read the First Comment

…..So why the fuck do I get stuck living next door to so many Dickheads?

It seems that no matter where I move or wherever I am I tend to cop the brunt of having crap neighbors. Not all of them are the nightmare kind that you see on so may Current Affairs programs but there is definitely a wealth of cocks that plant themselves close to me. With the latest spate of bad neighbor experiences I have had over the past few weeks it has started me thinking about what I have endured in the past, and then hold a candle to myself to see how I rate on the bad neighbor scale.

None of them really massively compare to some incidences I have had here in the past 2 weeks, it seems like the saying “Queensland, it is truly Gods country, why he filled it with so many dickheads is beyond me though” rings pretty true.

A few Fridays past, we were having a BBQ to celebrate the birthday of a friend, all was well and it was only about 9 at night when some of the front of the house having a smoke, when I heard some arguing and yelling from girls. I went out to investigate, and saw 2 guys and some other girls in the street hurling abuse at the girls on our front landing.

I asked what was happening when the guys in the street started hurling abuse at me and trying to ‘pretend’ to jump the fence to start a fight with me. I told them where to go, ushered the girls inside and left it at that. Later it all sparked up again, and there was one bloke in particular who thought he was a tough nut. Telling us he was on parole and just out of prison, as if that was meant to scare or impress us.

He had a go at one of the guys in our group and asked where he was from, my mate told him he was from Gosford, so the “tough-guy” says “I’m from Gosford too, Gosford Jail”.
To which my mate says, “ah there isn’t a jail in Gosford mate, there is a boys home, but that’s it”. The little fella didn’t like it but had been shot down, since well my mate is actually from Gosford and knows this!

Eventually we told them to piss off and it was over.

Once it was over I found the whole thing started because whilst we were out the back, they were at the fence and jumping the fence banging on the doors demanding to be let in to our “party” and then abusing the girls when they told them to go back to their own party (across the road) and so on….sheesh.

Since we have moved in the cops were at the house every month not the most pleasant people but they moved out last week.

And then we have nominee number 2 for dickhead neighbor of the year.

Whilst we were getting in the car to go out on Saturday morning he approached us having a go at us because our dog barks constantly and that if we are always out then we will have to do something about it. This perplexed me for 2 reasons

1 – I work from home and am here all day every day Monday to Friday apart from maybe 10 minutes out for lunch once a week or when I go to the shops after work.

2 – Our dogs are not barkers, they only bark when say all the dogs, including old mates next door, started barking our howling, they rarely if ever bark on their own.

So I asked him, “when are they barking?”

To which he said “All the time!”

Naturally i said “Even during the week?”.
He replied. “Yes all the time”.

So I casually mentioned “Mate, sorry but that can’t be my dogs, I work from home all day every day from around 8 -6. See that office there, that is where I am and they never bark, so I think you may be mistaken”.

Obviously he had been caught out here, because he kept telling us we are never home, and that threw him off. The dog he is complaining about is in fact the neighbor behind us and this guy spun too much bullshit and got caught out.
He got quite abusive at this stage, so i mentioned that his dog actually wines and barks most of the day because they are not home during the week and it is tied to the clothes line, so much so that before he came over I was actually considering going over there and asking if he wanted to put it in our yard with our dogs during the days so it doesn’t cry and doesn’t get bored or lonely. That kind of shut him up.

I wouldn’t have minded him mentioning it if he wasn’t such an ass about it. It is difficult for me to put into words how he approached us, of all the ways to approach someone to request or discuss something this was not the right one, I wouldn’t have been surprised if he was weilding a machette!

The Irony that capped it off was that whilst he was sitting on his Verandah just 1 day later one of our other neighbors from the other side (And who’s house is closer) whilst I pulled up because our puppy had gotten out of the yard, and right in front of the guy she told me how much she loves our dogs and how they never ever ever bark or make a noise! Ahhh you should have seen his face!