Oh Dear!

My partner often says that I am weird, I try to retort with the fact that I am eccentric, until it dawns on me, I am not rich enough to be eccentric, so am resigned to being weird.

One thing recently raised this comment from my dear partner, we were driving a long and we went past two veterinaries however instead of being called a “Vet” they instead had “Animal Hospital” written as their name, seeing one, went unnoticed, but seeing the second brought a chuckle out of me, and my partner asked what I was laughing at, so i broke into the following:

“Every time I see “Animal Hospital” it raises pictures in my head of dogs and cats laying on their backs in hospital beds like humans with IV drips in them and heart monitors, and cats dressed as Nurses walking around and dogs dressed as Doctors, with stethoscopes and all, talking to the other patients. Kind of like the animal version of Scrubs.

And the cat nurses walk up to a bed with another cat in it, but then they realise it is another cat, so they start hissing and mowing at each other, and a big cat fight ensues, then the dogs join in and it becomes a big mess, then it Droopy the dog walks in in a white jacket and says “Oh Dear” and starts to try to calm everything down.

And Wiley Coyote is laying in a bed in the corner all wrapped in plaster and bandages with his leg up in one of those leg slings, and all you can see is like a mummy outline of Wiley Coyote, but just his eyes are showing, and then just outside the curtain, Road Runner is talking to a dog in a jacket in hushed tones to see whether Wiley will survive”

All of this popped into my head in a matter of about 2 seconds, so I explained it all to my partner, who chuckled a little, looked at me very strangely out of the corner of her eye and said “You’re Weird”, but seriously, what else am I supposed to think when you call a place an Animal Hospital?

Essentially some guy in Florida was walking his dog, he sent it in to fetch it’s ball, where a 1.5 metre long shark came up to the surface and tuckered into the dog (not being a fan of little terriers, I reckon he should have let the shark have it’s snack) but instead of saying good bye to poochm this bloke showed extreme blokiness and dove headlong into the water, punching the shark in the back of the next and saving his dog.

So to this man…we give you a blokeman salute of blokiness……but we bet you wouldn’t have jumped in if it was your wife!

Full story here

Over the past month we have been overly cautious about the noise the dogs make, even though it is next to nothing, other neighbors in the block have gotten onside and well everyone thinks the bloke is taking the piss.

We have now become the flavour of the month with the little old lady across the street, but I have these nightmare visions that it is going to become like that movie “duplex” where crazy old lady keeps taking me away from my work to do little chores to the point I go insane and have to sell up……but it isn’t that bad yet, just had to change a light bulb and agreed to let her park in one of my Garages over Christmas….so far!

However the best neighborhood news of late is that, on my way from the shops this morning, I noticed a brand new “For Sale” sign out the front of the blokes house next door, looks like the owner is selling up from underneath them and the renters are going to have to go!

2 down, barking dog house to go!

Saturday night was no exception to this well established rule.

We had people around for a BBQ, one of my dogs for some reason likes to torment my partners Mother. He essentially likes to sit either where she has just been sitting or, where she is going to sit. As soon as she stands up he is there.
One of our guests noticed this and mentioned that he seems to sit where ever she does.

Soooooo me being me comes out with what I think was a sterling comment

Guest: “Jeez, he seems to sit everywhere you have just sat”
Blokeman: “Yeah I have noticed that” turns to mother in law and says “Do you fart Scooby snacks or something”

whilst many a guest laughed, my partner was none too impressed, neither was Mother in law, in particular because she had come to the BBQ with her new boyfriend of only 3 or 4 weeks.

Oh well….come on dogs, it’s to the dog house with us!

Last week I was driving a grand total of 300-400 metres to pick up my girlfriend in the pouring rain so she wouldn’t get soaked. I loaded my dog in the car with me as he had been inside all day and headed off out of the garage. My dog layed down with his head and body across my lap and went to sleep. Now my dog is not a big one, he is a King Charles and still a puppy, so he is hardly in the way, in fact he isn’t. When I pulled up at the lights he jumped up and stuck his head out for a second, I put him over to the passenger seat, he laid down on my lap again.

Now it is important to note that he only stuck his head out the window when the car was stationary and I put him straight down where he was not in the way.

At the next set of lights on this extremely light traffic road in an Industrial Factory area and this bloke pulls up in a massive four wheel drive next to me, winds his window down and says to me, “How can you control your vehicle safely like that?”.

I replied, “Well I seem to be managing it fine thanks”.
He said, “Don’t be an idiot mate, what if you have an accident?”
“Then that will be my fault, I don’t complain about you driving a big fucking four-wheel drive in Suburbia do I?, so mind your own fucking business!”
“You could kill someone”
“What by having a dog asleep on my lap, I am driving 50 more metres and not getting above 40KM and hour, hardly dangerous, so chill the fuck out”

The argument continued pretty much along the same lines, eventually I ended it by turning to him and telling him.

“If you don’t shut up and mind your own fucking business, I might fucking Kill someone in a second”, I punctuated this with a well timed and aimed stare that suggested the conversation were over. I lea