Posted by Blokeman on December 4, 2008 under General Bloke Stuff | 
Don’t worry this isn’t going to be a post about my need for some topical cream and antibiotics, instead it is about the song “Bad case of loving you” and how it’s lyrics, particularly this well known chorus, miss the mark, and whilst sounding like they make complete and utter sense, they infact completely miss the mark.
“A hot summer night, fell like a net
I’ve gotta find my baby yet
I need you to soothe my head
Turn my blue heart to red”
Ok I get the first part, very poetic, the heat descends upon you like a net on a hot summer night, though not where I am from, instead it descends on your like a hot fucking humid cloak. But that is all fair enough, i can get the soothing the head part, I can let it go and in the context of later mistakes, the “Turn my blue heart to red” even works, though we then have to assume that this Doctor, is in fact some for of heart surgeon or specialist.
“Doctor, doctor give me the news
I’ve got a bad case of lovin’ you
No pill’s gonna cure my ill
I’ve got a bad case of lovin’ you”
This is the part of the song that really has me wondering. Now, whilst the general interperetation is that the man is in love with someone, this lyric chunk actually is saying that said singer is in love with the doctor. Now, with that said, I ran some searches to see if I could find any female heart surgeons or specialists, the net result being I could find vague references to only 1, however, this Doctor, at the time of the song being published, was not yet a heart specialist. Meaning that the singer of the song, must be in fact in love with his male heart surgeon. I mean I know the guy likely saved your life, by fixing your blue heart and making it red again, but surely this is breaking the bounds of the patient-Doctor relationship isnt it?
“A pretty face don’t make no pretty heart
I learned that buddy, from the start
You think I’m cute, a little bit shy
Momma, I ain’t that kind of guy”
Ok so let me get this straight, first of all he is looking for love from his surgeon, now he is getting all prissy and bitchy because he is saying that a pretty face, doesnt mean she has a nice personality. Obviously Mr Heart Surgeon has rejected our patients advances. He has at least let us know he is male by saying “Buddy”. But now he is starting to big note himself and bullshit too, “You think I am cute, a little shy” talk it up big fella, and this song really highlights that shyness you mention. But who the fuck is he talking to when he mentions his Momma?
He busts back into his Doctor Doctor routine again then, and all of a sudden is all back in love….come on guy I know you just had a major heart operation, but lets make up our mind here hey, our Doctor doesn’t have the time, he is a busy man you know.
“Wooah
I know you like it, you like it on top
Tell me momma are you gonna stop
You had me down, 21 to zip
Smile of Judas on your lip
Shake my fist, knock on wood
I’ve got it bad and I’ve got it good”
Right so now, his fantasy is starting to get a bit over the top. He starts with ecstatic screams of woah and then talking about how his doctor likes it on top, I mean surely his doctor hasn’t taken the relationship that far, and if he has there are some serious questions about his professionalism here, not to mention the fact that it goes for so long he doesn’t know when it will stop.
Then what is he talking about 21 to zip, a game of vollyball?
And I like similes, metphors and poetic technique as much as the next guy, but what is the point of this whole Judas lip and fist shaking, it sounds like some kind of kinky heart surgeon sex game to me, and it sounds like our dear singer is loving it.
Overall I can see the idea of being in love so much it seems like you are sick, but this guy is sick, truly sick, and after such massive heart surgery, shouldn’t he be resting anyway….ZOMG!!!!!!!!!!
Posted by Blokeman on November 17, 2008 under General Bloke Stuff |
Blowout Aftermath
First lets be clear, that in Australia, “Thongs” are no underwear, they are not a “G-String”, no, thongs are in fact footwear, what you would call “Flip-Flops” in other countries, however here, they will remain thongs, an iconic part of your typical Aussie males wardrobe, most guys have their bash around thongs, and their good “Going out thongs”.
Now generally speaking, they are not footwear for the inexperienced, you have a breaking in period with thongs that could last anywhere from a few days to over a week, this period for any type of thong, is characterised by a pain on the edge of your foot from the straps rubbing into your foot as you walk, and often once you have broken in a pair of goof thongs you are unlikely to give them up without a fight, including many a home repair job to fix them. A good pair of broken in thongs, transcend their monetary value and become as much a part of you as say your hair.
One of the greatest tragedies which can befall your much-loved footwear is what is commonly referred to as a “Blowout”. A blowout is when the plug that holds the straps in, and generally it is the toe strap breaks, rendering your thong useless apart from a warped frisbee, or as a float on a crab trap.
This tragedy struck me on Saturday night. There I was drinking with friends in a place where footwear is advisable, due to the various critters that you crunch underfoot on your way to cut one loose in the bush. My good going out thongs, my Havianas (Shameless plug…send us some freebies) were one minute attached to my foot, and seconds later, my world came crashing down, my right thong threw a plug, and there was nothing left to do but pout.
The boys, being the boys they are, consoled me for a short time, before quickly digging into me about buying “Double-pluggers” and the wonderous benefit of never having a blowout, but even these wise words of advise, fell on deaf ears, my world was completely consumed with the pain of my loss, and the thought that my world, at least for a short time will never be the same, and once again I will have to break in a new pair and forever feel like I am betraying my besties.
The pain is so great, I don’t even know how to finish this blog post, my world is all consumed by my loss…..oh woe is me!
Posted by Blokeman on November 12, 2008 under General Bloke Stuff |
Molicious Damage
That time of year is upon us once again, that’s right Movember. Last year Blokeman was a participant, and at about the 20th of the month declared aloud to all that would hear, that he would never again participate as a Mo’grower in Movember.
Well a year down the track, and a drunken night boasting the prowess of last years lip dressing to a new group of mates, in his new home, Blokeman once again has been suckered into the event. For 10 days I thought I had escaped the agreement, until a chance encounter with his mates on Monday night, and the embarrassment of being the only one with a naked upper lip, convinced him to once again join the fuzzy lipped elite.
So now, with a 10 day deficit on my mates, I am speedily attempting to grow face fur, using every trick in the book and hoping that come the end of November I do not end up with the embarrassing wooden spoon of moustache growing, known as Peach fuzz.
A few years back, I had an argument with the bottom of a pebblecrete pool, and ended up taking a fair few layers of skin from one side of my chin and the middle of my lip and nose. The event left me with damaged hair follicles in the middle of my lip and chin, meaning a classic mo designs such as “The Hitler”, “The Bottle Brush” or even “The Full Sanchez” are out of my blokish reaches, this my friends is the Kryptonite of Blokeman, the inability to grow a moustache that Tom Selleck would be proud of. No to my own ire, my Movember achievements are an embarrassment to me and my team mates, but I shall persevere and do my best.
If you don’t know what Movember is, head over to http://www.movember.com, but in a nutshell, during Movember men grow moustaches and raise money for prostrate cancer (the pain in the ass part). You shave on Movember 1st and then do not shave your upper lip for the entire month, you can not grow a beard or goaty, and the Mo must be prominent. You then raise money which goes towards the Porstate cancer research.
This year, the team I am in is called Molicious Damage. If you would like to donate to my team, all men would be extremely appreciative. As I say if you do want to donate, please follow this link https://www.movember.com/au/donate/donate-details.php?action=sponsorlink®o=2090721&country=au
