Posted by Blokeman on February 20, 2009 under General Bloke Stuff | 
I thought I would preempt this with apologies for a lack of posts. I just haven’t had time nor motivation what with other projects and work getting in the way, this post, too will be brief.
Last night I was awoken with a sudden pain in my stomach and as realisation dawned upon me through the haze of the world between awakedness and comforting slumber, I threw back the sheets and made an all out dash for the bathroom, kicking my little toe on the door frame on my way through I swallowed down a scream and continued my dash of mercy.
Making it to the bathroom in the nick of time, I managed to remove said boxers and proceeded to spray paint the toilet bowl a violent shade of brown and probably yellow I spent the next 30 minutes or so sitting there, my legs a cramping, sweat beading on my brow and fighting off sleep, lest I slip from the porcelain throne and project my body produced art on the walls of the bathroom.
Thinking it was all over I cleaned up and decided the couch would be the best place to rest my head, due to it’s proximity to the bathroom and not wanting to wake my other half.
It was whilst sitting there, that I was reminded of an advert from my childhood, that wen a little like this: “How does it feel <insert something that you have done>, it feels like a tooheys” obviously, this advert lent itself to many a school yard variation, it was one such variation that came to mind and reminded me of the easer of youth.
“How does it feel, when you’re sitting on the Dunny and yours shit’s all runny and the doorbell rings”
For my non-Australian readers, a “Dunny” refers to the toilet.
I started to ponder on this little ditty, and thought how very apt and descriptive of the youth who came up with this, for I believe that many of us have been in the situation, where we have in fact been sitting on the dunny, and the doorbell rings, humans being naturally curious creatures are then split between finishing what you set out to do, on your journey to the bathroom, and getting up to find out who was at the door. For many the mystery of never knowing would be too much and they would have to get up, to others, well it’s a matter of getting through the ordeal and preferring to never know.
However…..when you’re shit’s all runny, well the choice, is taken from your hands, you have no way of getting up, unless you leave a slippery trail of disgusting mess, this is the true genius in the song. Because everyone knows exactly what it would feel like to be sitting on the dunny, with their shit all runny, and the doorbell rings……
Posted by Blokeman on January 13, 2009 under General Bloke Stuff |
I guess working in IT instantly qualifies you as a geek. In a way I am sure it does as well, however I like to maintain that I am not your A-typical geek. Sure I work on computers, run a few websites and don’t mind the odd technology gadget. However in my book that is work, and all my sites etc, are either a creative outles or business venture. My time outside of work largely consists of anything but IT. I spend more time out at the beach, doing home maintenance and generally avoiding the computer than is humanly possible.
So for years my family ridicule me for being the only non-tradesman in the family as if it is some form of effeminate thing not to want to toil away behind tools all day for less pay than I can get perched behind my computer at home.
However, now the tides have turned and I can happily smother my family with the ridicule they once reserved for me. Geocaching has swept through them, a craze like a wild fire. I take such wicked delight in reminding them as oft as possible of the sorts of single 30 something men with only their mothers for friends, who generally partake in this activity globally.
They have provided me of tales where they have bumped into fellow geocachers and described exactly the type of social retards you would expect of this sort of activity, red haired, freckle-faced with coke-bottle glasses.
In short now my Family are NERDS eeegads
Posted by Blokeman on December 4, 2008 under General Bloke Stuff |
Don’t worry this isn’t going to be a post about my need for some topical cream and antibiotics, instead it is about the song “Bad case of loving you” and how it’s lyrics, particularly this well known chorus, miss the mark, and whilst sounding like they make complete and utter sense, they infact completely miss the mark.
“A hot summer night, fell like a net
I’ve gotta find my baby yet
I need you to soothe my head
Turn my blue heart to red”
Ok I get the first part, very poetic, the heat descends upon you like a net on a hot summer night, though not where I am from, instead it descends on your like a hot fucking humid cloak. But that is all fair enough, i can get the soothing the head part, I can let it go and in the context of later mistakes, the “Turn my blue heart to red” even works, though we then have to assume that this Doctor, is in fact some for of heart surgeon or specialist.
“Doctor, doctor give me the news
I’ve got a bad case of lovin’ you
No pill’s gonna cure my ill
I’ve got a bad case of lovin’ you”
This is the part of the song that really has me wondering. Now, whilst the general interperetation is that the man is in love with someone, this lyric chunk actually is saying that said singer is in love with the doctor. Now, with that said, I ran some searches to see if I could find any female heart surgeons or specialists, the net result being I could find vague references to only 1, however, this Doctor, at the time of the song being published, was not yet a heart specialist. Meaning that the singer of the song, must be in fact in love with his male heart surgeon. I mean I know the guy likely saved your life, by fixing your blue heart and making it red again, but surely this is breaking the bounds of the patient-Doctor relationship isnt it?
“A pretty face don’t make no pretty heart
I learned that buddy, from the start
You think I’m cute, a little bit shy
Momma, I ain’t that kind of guy”
Ok so let me get this straight, first of all he is looking for love from his surgeon, now he is getting all prissy and bitchy because he is saying that a pretty face, doesnt mean she has a nice personality. Obviously Mr Heart Surgeon has rejected our patients advances. He has at least let us know he is male by saying “Buddy”. But now he is starting to big note himself and bullshit too, “You think I am cute, a little shy” talk it up big fella, and this song really highlights that shyness you mention. But who the fuck is he talking to when he mentions his Momma?
He busts back into his Doctor Doctor routine again then, and all of a sudden is all back in love….come on guy I know you just had a major heart operation, but lets make up our mind here hey, our Doctor doesn’t have the time, he is a busy man you know.
“Wooah
I know you like it, you like it on top
Tell me momma are you gonna stop
You had me down, 21 to zip
Smile of Judas on your lip
Shake my fist, knock on wood
I’ve got it bad and I’ve got it good”
Right so now, his fantasy is starting to get a bit over the top. He starts with ecstatic screams of woah and then talking about how his doctor likes it on top, I mean surely his doctor hasn’t taken the relationship that far, and if he has there are some serious questions about his professionalism here, not to mention the fact that it goes for so long he doesn’t know when it will stop.
Then what is he talking about 21 to zip, a game of vollyball?
And I like similes, metphors and poetic technique as much as the next guy, but what is the point of this whole Judas lip and fist shaking, it sounds like some kind of kinky heart surgeon sex game to me, and it sounds like our dear singer is loving it.
Overall I can see the idea of being in love so much it seems like you are sick, but this guy is sick, truly sick, and after such massive heart surgery, shouldn’t he be resting anyway….ZOMG!!!!!!!!!!
