Man Tragedies: A Thong Blowout

Posted by Blokeman on November 17, 2008 under General Bloke Stuff | Read the First Comment

Blowout Aftermath

Blowout Aftermath

First lets be clear, that in Australia, “Thongs” are no underwear, they are not a “G-String”, no, thongs are in fact footwear, what you would call “Flip-Flops” in other countries, however here, they will remain thongs, an iconic part of your typical Aussie males wardrobe, most guys have their bash around thongs, and their good “Going out thongs”.

Now generally speaking, they are not footwear for the inexperienced, you have a breaking in period with thongs that could last anywhere from a few days to over a week, this period for any type of thong, is characterised by a pain on the edge of your foot from the straps rubbing into your foot as you walk, and often once you have broken in a pair of goof thongs you are unlikely to give them up without a fight, including many a home repair job to fix them. A good pair of broken in thongs, transcend their monetary value and become as much a part of you as say your hair.

One of the greatest tragedies which can befall your much-loved footwear is what is commonly referred to as a “Blowout”. A blowout is when the plug that holds the straps in, and generally it is the toe strap breaks, rendering your thong useless apart from a warped frisbee, or as a float on a crab trap.

This tragedy struck me on Saturday night. There I was drinking with friends in a place where footwear is advisable, due to the various critters that you crunch underfoot on your way to cut one loose in the bush. My good going out thongs, my Havianas (Shameless plug…send us some freebies) were one minute attached to my foot, and seconds later, my world came crashing down, my right thong threw a plug, and there was nothing left to do but pout.

The boys, being the boys they are, consoled me for a short time, before quickly digging into me about buying “Double-pluggers” and the wonderous benefit of never having a blowout, but even these wise words of advise, fell on deaf ears, my world was completely consumed with the pain of my loss, and the thought that my world, at least for a short time will never be the same, and once again I will have to break in a new pair and forever feel like I am betraying my besties.

The pain is so great, I don’t even know how to finish this blog post, my world is all consumed by my loss…..oh woe is me!

Movember, a pain in the ass

Posted by Blokeman on November 12, 2008 under General Bloke Stuff | Be the First to Comment

Molicious Damage

Molicious Damage

That time of year is upon us once again, that’s right Movember. Last year Blokeman was a participant, and at about the 20th of the month declared aloud to all that would hear, that he would never again participate as a Mo’grower in Movember.

Well a year down the track, and a drunken night boasting the prowess of last years lip dressing to a new group of mates, in his new home, Blokeman once again has been suckered into the event. For 10 days I thought I had escaped the agreement, until a chance encounter with his mates on Monday night, and the embarrassment of being the only one with a naked upper lip, convinced him to once again join the fuzzy lipped elite.

So now, with a 10 day deficit on my mates, I am speedily attempting to grow face fur, using every trick in the book and hoping that come the end of November I do not end up with the embarrassing wooden spoon of moustache growing, known as Peach fuzz.

A few years back, I had an argument with the bottom of a pebblecrete pool, and ended up taking a fair few layers of skin from one side of my chin and the middle of my lip and nose. The event left me with damaged hair follicles in the middle of my lip and chin, meaning a classic mo designs such as “The Hitler”, “The Bottle Brush” or even “The Full Sanchez” are out of my blokish reaches, this my friends is the Kryptonite of Blokeman, the inability to grow a moustache that Tom Selleck would be proud of. No to my own ire, my Movember achievements are an embarrassment to me and my team mates, but I shall persevere and do my best.

If you don’t know what Movember is, head over to http://www.movember.com, but in a nutshell, during Movember men grow moustaches and raise money for prostrate cancer (the pain in the ass part). You shave on Movember 1st  and then do not shave your upper lip for the entire month, you can not grow a beard or goaty, and the Mo must be prominent. You then raise money which goes towards the Porstate cancer research.

This year, the team I am in is called Molicious Damage. If you would like to donate to my team, all men would be extremely appreciative. As I say if you do want to donate, please follow this link https://www.movember.com/au/donate/donate-details.php?action=sponsorlink&rego=2090721&country=au

Animal Hospitals

Posted by Blokeman on November 11, 2008 under General Bloke Stuff | Be the First to Comment

Oh Dear!

Oh Dear!

My partner often says that I am weird, I try to retort with the fact that I am eccentric, until it dawns on me, I am not rich enough to be eccentric, so am resigned to being weird.

One thing recently raised this comment from my dear partner, we were driving a long and we went past two veterinaries however instead of being called a “Vet” they instead had “Animal Hospital” written as their name, seeing one, went unnoticed, but seeing the second brought a chuckle out of me, and my partner asked what I was laughing at, so i broke into the following:

“Every time I see “Animal Hospital” it raises pictures in my head of dogs and cats laying on their backs in hospital beds like humans with IV drips in them and heart monitors, and cats dressed as Nurses walking around and dogs dressed as Doctors, with stethoscopes and all, talking to the other patients. Kind of like the animal version of Scrubs.

And the cat nurses walk up to a bed with another cat in it, but then they realise it is another cat, so they start hissing and mowing at each other, and a big cat fight ensues, then the dogs join in and it becomes a big mess, then it Droopy the dog walks in in a white jacket and says “Oh Dear” and starts to try to calm everything down.

And Wiley Coyote is laying in a bed in the corner all wrapped in plaster and bandages with his leg up in one of those leg slings, and all you can see is like a mummy outline of Wiley Coyote, but just his eyes are showing, and then just outside the curtain, Road Runner is talking to a dog in a jacket in hushed tones to see whether Wiley will survive”

All of this popped into my head in a matter of about 2 seconds, so I explained it all to my partner, who chuckled a little, looked at me very strangely out of the corner of her eye and said “You’re Weird”, but seriously, what else am I supposed to think when you call a place an Animal Hospital?