Basic rules of being a man
Posted by Blokeman on October 13, 2008 under General Bloke Stuff, Serious Side | 
8 Comments to Read
Recently during nights out with the boys and in my general day to day discussions, I have noticed that many men are forgetting the basic unwritten laws of being a bloke, and have crossed the boundaries into womens territory, scaring the life out of me and opening up some pretty awkward social occasions. I guess it is up to me to run a refresher course for all of those out there, that may need to get back up to speed with the laws of manhood.
- (and very possibly the most important) Friends, and other men, should not let friends wear speedos, there is no excuse for this rule, anyone caught wearing speedos, must immediately have the light thrust upon then and their sexuality seriously questioned by all men who witnessed the wearing, worse still the friends of said speedo wearing friend, must surely be ostracized until such time as they have proven themselves to be fit for blokish social exposure.
- Men should never discuss with another man, the goings on of any soap or reality television show, unless it is to inform the other man, of an opportunity to see bare breasted women. Any information beyond this, especially when speaking of the lives of the cast of the soap or reality show outside of the show, should be deemed woman’s talk and the breaker of said rule, should be forced to wear womens clothing until they are sufficiently shamed.
- When confronted with the question of whom should drive, no man should, unless they are unable through the drinking of many a beer, disability or other extreme exceptional circumstance, shall allow a woman to drive, especially if there are other males present to take up driving duties.
These are 3 of the most important rules of being a man, however in the coming weeks, I will continue to update you with further rules, and ask you to offer those that I have missed
These are speedos…these are wrong:
These Are Speedos....These are wrong
Rose said,
Speedos? You should be really concerned if your male friends start wearing manties.
Blokeman said,
Manties??
I guess I should have explained what Speedos are. Otherwise known as Budgie Smugglers, Grape Smugglers, Dip Stickers.
Rose said,
I know what speedos are. lol You should Google manties though.
» Off the Wall: The piss trough endurance race said,
[...] course with this, and especially in light of recent posts on here (man rules, and the follow up) it may be worth noting some of these, however this is not what the article is [...]
nick said,
what is your fucking sad problem ?
there is nothing wrong and everything right with guys wearing speedos (as opposed to looking like a surfer with board shorts so long and cumbersome)
if they are not for you look away. Maybe people wearing speedos dont want to look at you !!!
Blokeman said,
ha ha ha ha a Speedo admirer hey?
I can only assume you are either a roid pumping freak, narcissistic to the nth degree, or else just like the feel of tight restrictive lycra shrink wrapped around your man tackle.
Either that or you are some form of Olympic swimmer. Call me crazy but I prefer not to have my fleshy lower brain crammed up against me as hard as possible, and display my ample bulge to the world, not only because of discretion but also because I don’t want a horde of horny women urging to clutch at me, I have enough of that as it is.
In all honesty though, it isnt a matter of not looking at grape smugglers it is the idea that anyone could think that walking around, particularly in non-beach areas with what essentially comes down to shiny underpants is just laughable. Being a surfer, and growing up on the beach. Board shorts have always been the better option and even in my days of lifesaving and nippers, never did I choose to don a pair of speedos in competition, I was heroically athletic enough to beat most people even with my “cumbersome” board shorts.
Speedos are for men who either think far too much of themselves, or far not enough
James said,
OMG r u effing kidding me! if people want to wear speedoes why not? There are many good reasons to wear speedoes over boardshorts.
1. If you swim seriously (not just olympics douche bag but at any level) then speedoes offer way better aerodynamicy. Personally I did some thing with my swim squad where we did 10 laps in speedoes 1 week and the next week the same 10 laps in board shorts. Guess what, speedoes one by about 30%)
2. You’re just proud of what uve got. If you dont like the image of a nice healthy bulge then you obviously dont have anything big enough to make a bulge.
3. When diving or swimming in rough surf it can be EXTREMELY embarrasing if, on entering the water or getting hit by a particularly large wave, your board shorts come right off. With speedoes there is a much lower chance of this happening.
4. When at the ebach if ur going for prolonged times and you end up getting a tan you dont want to get one that stops at around your knees.
Oh and BTW no one actually wears speedoes outside of the beach unless its at a pool.
I WIN YYYAAAYYY!!!
PS I find your arguments extremely offensive against fellow gay members of society. I dont like how ur putting in a few subtle yet obvious anti gay remarks.
Blokeman said,
I see you think you have made a point and I will concede that you have, that point being that clearly the sperdos are cutting off circulation to your brain and clearly denting your iq.
I find amusing that you believe board shorts falling down and either completely exposing you or leaving you in your underwear in the surf, (something that has never happened to me in the 25 years I lived across the road from a beach) embarrasing yet you are happy to wear speedos, they are essentially underwear numbnuts.
Really I think the biggest failing in your entire reply was when you said you were in a swim team I mean enough said really.
The proof in the damage speedos are doing to you is you inability to identify literary devices and generalisations for effect, it’s sad really and sadder still that your risk of infertility and testicular cancer are far greater than mine, though at least it proves darwin correct.
I may honour your post with a proper reply when Ivan be bothered getting my computer out, but I would finally say that you are offended by my “comments”? I will say a few things on that. People will forever read what the want into anything and therefore you should perhaps look within for blame. I will also say that you are offended made me smile because I don’t really give a shit and have the right to say whatever I feel. Freedom of speech is a wonderful thing and you have the option of not Reading this blog. Not only that your accusations are false.
Any way you look at it you have happily proved my point and gone the extra step of showing what happens to those who wear speedos.
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