This mornings news: Those Dutch are carrying the Mantel

Posted by Blokeman on October 29, 2008 under General Bloke Stuff | Be the First to Comment

On my usual morning perusal of the local news websites, whilst passing time, probably better spent working, I came across yet another gem of a story, one that has to an extent changed my view on those crazy Dutch!.

The story reports a 44 precent rise in birth rates, 9 months on from a power cut to a town, caused by an Apache helicopter clipping and severing powerlines. So, 2 days without power, and one would thing limited entertainment and sources of food, during the colder December months, the Dutch decided, rather than freeze or sit around bored, lets get our gear off, jump in to bed and smash one out, well likely several cuts at the snake.

I think this well and truly deserves a blokeman salute for constructive use of time, and has now placed the idea of moving to a colder, and somewhat remote location high on my agenda.

Off the Wall: The piss trough endurance race

Posted by Blokeman on October 22, 2008 under General Bloke Stuff | 2 Comments to Read

The world is My Urinal, well every guys urinal, that doesn’t mean that we don’t actually use urinals. real and actual urinal, especially in a pub situation, we queue up and uncomforably sometimes with your shoulders rubbing the blokes next to you, you pull out your best few inches and cut one loose.

Of course with this, and especially in light of recent posts on here (man rules, and the follow up) it may be worth noting some of these, however this is not what the article is about.

Quick Rules:

  1. Look straight ahead or down and straight ahead, any sideways look…well you get the idea
  2. Aim at the vertical part about 5 inches above the flat spot, this way no one has to deal with your splash back on their feet, shoes and legs
  3. Conversation unless you are with a friend, is strictly forbidden, this is a business trip, not a social meeting place
  4. Spacial and social awareness even went drunk must be on the fore of your mind
  5. We all know which urinal to occupy, and we know the rules, always leave a gap, never force anyone to walk up next to you, only sidle up to someone in an emergency or extremely busy event

There are more, but again not the point of this article.

Just because there are many Taboo’s related to the use or urinals and accepted social behavior, it does not mean that we can not have fun with it. One of the games that is played is the “Piss Endurance Race”, it is an unspoken game, you know when you are in it, there is no need to verbally, or physically engage your oponent or oponents as it may be, eye contact is considered a mortal sin in any male toilet.

However the winner takes all, the bragging rights, they have the bigger bladder, they have drunk more, they likely have the biggest cock and have the ladies queueing around the corner just to be near them.

How the game works.

  • Urinal user one steps up sets legs at around shoulder width, flops out the old fella and starts
  • Usually for this game to begin, it means another contender or multiple contenders need to have stepped up to the plate, preferably at or close to the same time as user 1, however user 1 can oft boast louder to his mates, if a contender steps in half way through and walks out first
  • The idea is, who can last longer, the person and it is important to remember the rules (No looking sideways etc) wins the race. A contender signals the end of their shot at gold, by the zip sound made the their fly and stepping away from the urinal.
  • Not a word is ever said to other contenders, before, during or after the game. There is no need to engage the other competitors, it is simply a race within each individuals own head, you know if you have lost and you know if you have won, likely some of your mates do too, and you all then talk about how massive your penis must be.

It is a great game and I recommend it as a confident booster to all, train yourself by drinking plenty of booze and trying to hold your bathroom visits until the last minute, don’t peak to early and get a steady stream going, a one handed wall lean can often help with this, but it is important not to use that as leverage.

In recent time though, the younger generations, knowing they can not compete with us hardened and seasoned older competitors, have re-invented the game to try to win it in their own minds, this time they change to a race of speed, who finishes early, I don’t condone this and that tells me you simply have the pissing ability of a horse, some kind of urine pump or simply you are small of shlong. You will know when you are being scouted for this race, you just need to listen, oftent the metal of the urinal will buckle with the force of the would be competitors expulsions and usually accompanied by backsplash around your face and on the ceiling.

Lets keep it clean people, the race is of endurance, don’t make a mockery of the sanctity of the male toilets!

At the end of the day

Posted by Blokeman on October 21, 2008 under General Bloke Stuff | Be the First to Comment

For some reason when I hear certain phrases they ring out in my head. My brain goes “BING” and a light bulb appears above my head. The phrase or word, gets noted in my database and each time I hear it again, I see the word in flames insid my head, and i note it again.

Eventually the flame becomes a furnace when I hear it too often, and I unlease hell……well boredom on whomever it was who uttered said phrase, the one time that it pushes my head over the edge, like that lucky coin in a cadbury’s chocolate machine(Give me that Snickers); and then, I go on for hours on how over used that saying is, and what it actually means and how out of context it was.

Some things just get caught up in the regular vernacular without us noticing and all of a sudden it becomes an extended place filler, likeĀ  “umm” and “ahh”

At the end of the day, “At the end of the day” is one of those!