Manscaping: Exloring a new frontier

Posted by Blokeman on May 14, 2008 under General Bloke Stuff | 2 Comments to Read

There comes a time in every mans life when he starts to think about manscaping, whether that be to improve the overall appearance, or to make it look bigger, for hygiene or simply because they like their short and curlies, more short than curly and enjoy nothing more than a freshly shewn scrotum.

Well that time has come in Blokeman’s life, usually a man who prefers his own “areas” to be natural simply because, I couldn’t be arsed getting out the scissors, razor etc and going Joh bailey style on my nads, not to mention a fear of sharp implements in close proximiy to my most important appendages.

Recently my partner rang me to inform me she had gone to get a Brazilian, after first clarifying that she hadn’t shacked up with a new bloke called Fernando, it got me to thinking, whether I should have a little trim up and neaten up the old fellas, or whether she enjoyed getting a face full of steel wool. At least I imagine she does, who cares if she doesn’t, right guys?

I must admit, after initial consideration I first thought the idea somewhat appealing, but as I delved into it more, I started to wonder, whether the last 3 weeks without my Mrs has started to make my brain go soft. I mean really, I am a bloke after all and my main concern should not be whether she likes or dislikes my pubic afro in her face whilst orally pleasuring me. My main concern should be whether she is blocking the view to the television and whether i am going to need another beer before the job is done.
Not to mention, I know just how itchy my neck and face can get when I let my roguish stubble grow into a what can only be described as a hobo forest, I already spend a good part of my day re-arranging my ankle dangler and can only imagine the agony of the itch down there.

And then after all, who gives a fuck what it looks like and how big it is, at the end of the day, I don’t spend very long looking at it, measuring it or to be honest using it!. Drink, Shag, Roll over and go to sleep.

That said, I am interested in how many people out there are manscapers, why you manscape or do not manscape, and from the female readers, whether you can convince me to manscape.

Dream Catchers don’t do shit!

Posted by Blokeman on May 7, 2008 under General Bloke Stuff | Be the First to Comment

Long time no post……..busy busy boy and all.

For the past two or so weeks I have been having nightmares pretty much every night, nothing particularly scary in reality and nothing I will go into because people telling you about their dreams is just plain boring, and no matter how much sense the dream makes in your head the plain fact is it is fucking boring to hear and all over the place. so just leave it at that ok? cool.

As I was saying I have been having these nightmares, coupled together with neighbours who wake me up with their 20 second sexcapades and yelling at all hours of the night (if you are reading this and live in Artarmon, then please stop fucking waking me up) and then my dog deciding he needs to wake me up so he can go and piss in the backyard. All together, I haven’t been sleeping a whole lot, and clearly it is taking it’s toll on my sanity.

In a measure to try and combat this, whilst I have been packing everything in the house ready for my big interstate move I came across a dream catcher that quite obviously belongs to my girlfriend who has already moved, quite clearly it isn’t mine because I am not gay!

I decided I had nothing to lose as I am sick to death of sleeping in patches of 1 – 2 hour increments and waking up for 30 minutes in between. So I slung the fucker on the light fitting above the bed, dusted my hands together and exclaimed to the empty room in general that my worries were now over, no more nightmares and a nice easy sleep.

Fuck was I wrong there! As I have always expected these are simply gimmicky pieces of hippy clutte, designed to make the owner look alternative, or more accurately, like a wanker!
Here is the result of my dream catcher experiment.

  1.  I was awoken, as normal due to another nightmare shortly after 1a.m.
  2. I was awoken from another nightmare at 3:30a.m.
  3. I was awoken at 4a.m. by my dog barking at the dream catcher hanging from the ceiling because he didn’t know what it was
  4. at 5a.m. I was awoken by my dog wanting to pee

I gave up at this point got up and went for a walk with my dog, came home had some breakfast, showered and watched TV before work.

In short Dream Catchers do nothing but hang from the ceiling and make you hope no one sees it there, in case they decide to bring out the pink floyd albums, Petulie candles, black lights and organic food!

Tonight I try sleeping pills!