My Fridge is noisy

Posted by Blokeman on January 14, 2008 under General Bloke Stuff | Be the First to Comment

My fridge is noisy and it is starting to get to me. It sounds like a frog and is highly distracting.

Forgive me of my sins, the christmas saga continues…

Posted by Blokeman on January 6, 2008 under General Bloke Stuff | Be the First to Comment

Last night whilst I slept peacefully a war was raging within my brothers head, he called at about 10:30, yeah I know it was early on a Saturday night to be sleeping but I was recovering from NYE still and have a long week of work ahead, so shut up!. Anyway, my brother called, and I obviously didn’t know about it let alone answer. This morning I woke to a text message from him essentially harrassing me for not calling him back, calling m several names and that I need to “Harden up and call him back”.

What never ceases to amaze me about my brother is that he is a Psychology student, and you would therefore think that even just a little honest self appraisal would come into play with him, but it doesn’t, he hasn’t seen enough of the world, both in a travel and perception sense to gain a true understanding of just how this world truly functions.

The way I read his message was simple “I feel guilty for what I have done in the past, I don’t truly believe I should feel guilty bt I do, I don’t want to feel guilty so I am hoping you can say all is ok”

Well mate, the world just doesn’t work like that, he is no longer a spoiled child who was taught the way to fix a problem is just to say sorry whether you mean it or not, I am not particulary concerned about the incident, but I am concerned about what I a seeing of what goes on inside his head. So I replied as such:
“Just maybe I was asleep when you called. Your problem is that you think you can say sorry and that solves everything. The reality is that, that is not how the life and the World works. You have to mean the things you say and do, unfortunately your actions speak louder than words. You think you have done nothing wrong, well I shudder to think how you would feel if your kids treated each other like you did me. So forgive me for not falling all over myself in a rush to make you feel better about yourself and actions, lets face it that is what your efforts are truly about. I am no child and no fool.”

An epic reply sure, but hopefully a message is starting to filter through to him, and hopefully he is starting to see himself for who he is truly. How dare he be angry at me for not phoning him back at some god awful hour of the night, to accept some half hearted apology, when his voicemail smacked of the whole thing being my issue anyways. How dare he come back and heap shit on me for not making him feel better.

At the very least the one thing I can take out of it all is that, although he may have studied 3 years worth of psychology, he clearly has not learnt a thing, he clearly has not learnt even a shadow of what I have picked up for free, simply by being a part of the World, and from reading. A great line from an old movie comes to mind:

“What we’ve got here is… failure to communicate. Some men you just can’t reach. So you get what we had here last week, which is the way he wants it… well, he gets it.” (Cool Hand Luke)

Don’t worry my avid 10 or so readers, I will return to less serious stuff soon……

Who brought the 80′s back?

Posted by Blokeman on January 2, 2008 under General Bloke Stuff | Be the First to Comment

I remember remarking to my ex-girlfriend several years ago the fear I held that 80′s fashion was starting to creep back in. I had begun to notice people wearing sleeveless jumpers and could not think for the life of me why they were wearing them, something I will get into later on in more detail. I looked to the future and feared what was to come, had no one looked to the past, seen the photo’s of their parents, brothers sisters or even them selves from the 80′s and thought to themselves, “Oh for fuck sake, what was I thinking?”. Apparently not, because now as I brave the streets, concerts, bars and clubs, more and more I am confronted with crimes against fashion and humanity, clothes that make my eyes bleed and baby Jesus weep.

I mean honestly don’t these people have a mirror in their houses?
Don’t they have family or friends who see them before they leave the house, and say “honestly dude, what are you wearing”?
Don’t they have eyes/taste?
Do they honestly think they look good?

The questions could go on, I think science is wasting its time trying to unlock the mysteries of life, when there are bigger more important questions that need answering, like “who though bringing back fluoro clothes, was a good idea?”.
I would put a photo up to show you what I mean, but I am worried that if I d, some of the more colour blind or fashion challenged people might decide it looks good and then go out and buy a similar outfit.

So onto some of these crimes against fashion and humanity, and I am mainly aiming this at guys, since women haven’t brought back the puffy shoulder pad outfits yet, they can fly under the radar

Fashion Crimes:

1 – Hooded Jumpers without sleeves: If it is cold enough to be wearing a jumper with a hood, then it sure as fuck better have sleeves, i mean really who thinks to themselves “I really want to wear a singlet, but it’s a little cold, so I think I will put on a jumper, but I don’t want my arms to get too hot, hmm but then my head might get cold. I know…..” I mean really people, this look was better left to the bad rappers of the 80′s and early 90′s, we can only thank whatever deity we believe in that this one at least has started to fade away.

2 – Short Shorts: Much like the man rule, friends don’t let friends wear speedo’s, no one should let anyone but women wear short shorts. Come on guys, they look ridiculous, no one wants to see denim wrapped so tightly, that you turn into a falsetto, wrapped around you and sitting halfway up your overly hairy thigh. Some of you I know, wax or shave your legs, and if you don’t already know how gay that is, I suggest you take a trip to Oxford street in Sydney, you will be shocked at how well you fit in. I just, don;t know how to explain how bad this looks, I really don’t and it makes me sad that people actually go into a shop, decide to try them on, do a few turns and look at themselves in the mirror, then say “shit yeah, i am so buying these”. There is just so much wrong with these, that you have to see them to believe they were, made, and not accidentally bought from the children’s section of Target.

3 – Slip on Sand Shoes: by themselves these shoes aren’t terrible, particularly for situations like: sailing, fishing, the beach, hanging around the pool, anything else fairly light and casual. However where these start to become a crime, is when they are worn without socks, and combined with short shorts, actually it’s pretty much bare legs, plus no socks, plus questionably female shoes. I think you will all remember these from the 80′s they were often checkered were well below the ankle and had a high gay alert to go with them. What shits me further about these horrible attrocities is when you go to say a concert or a club or a pub or a bar, and some smarmy little barely legal prick is wearing it with the rest of his emo gang. They walk around with tight shorts displaying their pathetic little dicks and wearing these horrible shoes.
If you aren’t going sailing, leave them in the closet, with your thinly disguised sexuality.

4 – Fluorescent clothing:  What is God’s name are you thinking, when did anyone ever think fluoro looked good, even when you use to wear fluoro Zinc as a kid, you thought you looked shit and hated your parents for a week afterwards. I don’t mind a shirt with a LITTLE bit of fluoro writing, like one small word in a more subtle fluoro, that is borderline acceptable. It’s those little fuckers that wear bright fluorescent pink, yellow, green or whatever coloured shirts, socks, shoes, headbands and so on that should be hunted down and sent into intensive psycho therapy training camp, say A ClockWork Orange style and taught how to re-integrate into a society and World absent of this ridiculous fashion.
I live in Australia, the sun is bright enough without the reflections of your clothes, and I live in the city where it is noisy enough without this shit flitting past my line of site every 5 minutes.
You look like a wanker, matching it with your short shorts and white Roy Orbison style sun glasses just makes me want to hurt you even more, please stop!

5 – 80′s Trendy Mullet: Now I mostly blame hair dresses and the western suburbs of Sydney for this one, but by god, every person in this world, born to parents that weren’t related before marriage, know that this hair do, in any form, is a no go. How anyone can think any form of mullet would suit them just makes me believe this world is doomed. Some say “Business in the front, party in the back”, I say “Wanker all over” actually not a wanker, wankers sometimes have a level of class, I think the more likely term would be “Redneck, inbred, mentally deficient, and most likely blind tool” please, if you have any form of mullet, even the shorter “trendier” version or anyone has ever commented, even jokingly that you have some form of Mullet, please please please, go to a new hair dresser, even a $10 barber, just fix it now, before it gets worse!

6 – Soft Cotton Vests: I think a part of the 80′s that we would all like to forget is the Degrassi junior High (not knocking the show, it was the shit) style pastel coloured vests, Now I don’t mind a vest when it is stylish and goes with a suit, but by no means should a shitty grandpa style pastel vest become part of anyone’s wardrobe who is younger than 50, it just shouldn’t happen and if it does, it is probably best you remove yourself from the gene pool, or lower the chances of it spreading by not having children, you are probably gay anyway, but just haven’t realised yet. If you are wearing short shorts, whilst reading this, then you are gay!

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You know what there is just too many to go into, I think I will continue this another time, but for now I am making you all official fashion police, go forth and rid the world of bad 80′s clothes.