Posted by benc on August 23, 2010 under Serious Side, Women | 
Whilst sitting out at dinner with Wifey recently she made me pause so she could take a photo of the meals put before us. This got me thinking and looking back I realised that she has always done this. So I thought further back into the foggy depths of my memory and realised that she is not the only one of my partners who has taken photos of our meals when we are out to dinner.
No matter how I look at it, I struggle to grasp the logic involved in photographing our food. I mean it surely isn’t like you are going to print it out and put it in a photo album of “All the meals we have eaten together” and if you are, I am sorry but that is just plain creepy.
Don’t get me wrong I understand the romance side of things, but pulling out a camera should by and large be left for the bedroom and tourist attractions. In all honesty, I just want to eat my meal whilst it still has thermal nuclear properties and isn’t getting on the cold side. I can’t foresee a time in the future where I will site back and think, hmmm you know, I wouldn’t mind going through all those old photos of the dinners we have eaten. Hell I can’t even imagine saying to any kids I may have in the future “And this is the panfried Sea Trout that we had, ooh and that’s the lemon sorbet we had for desert”. I am all for torturing my children through boredom but even I have limits to my mental cruelty.
I decided to question Wifey on what her reasoning was behind this, and her response chilled me to the bone. Before I offer it to you I should give you some background. Some friends of ours were in town and heading out to dinner, they asked for some suggestions, so we offered up some of the nicer eateries in the town that we have found to be both delicious, well services and reasonably priced. These friends however, decided to ignore our advice and went to an all you can eat Chinese buffet. I know everyone has different tastes, but please, lets be reasonable here, why have buffet chinese, when for the same price you can have a specialty cooked gourmet dinner?
Now despite what may otherwise be assumed of my nature, I am actually a fairly passive and patient man, sure I have my pet peeves, intricacies and mental health issues, but by and large I am an easy going, if slightly psychotic person and let things go fairly easily. So the above, was something I simply shrugged off as not impacting my life at all….but wifey?…no her reasoning for photographing the meal was so that she could show our friends what they missed out on, and stick it to them…….is that not one of the scariest things you have heard.
I take this as further proof that women are just plain crazy, and should be restrained to the kitchen and kept away from the BBQ……right?
Posted by Blokeman on February 7, 2010 under General Bloke Stuff |
Long had I held the suspicion that the little golden ring that was placed upon a ladies finger, held magical powers, powers such as the ability to utter “Where’s my dinner” and still manage to get dinner, keep your teeth and sleep in your own bed. But alas men, don’t be fooled, that little golden ring, is but another shackle for women to place upon you.
“Do you see a ring on this finger” was a phrase made popular by Eddie Murphy, and it left a generation of men sitting there, believing that the outlandish shit proposed by our dear friend eddie, would all be possible once we placed that little slither upon our fair ladies hand…….but no men…don’t believe it, it’s just a way for your bitch to show that she owns you.
It’s been one week and Blokeman has has lost a massive part of his blokiness, well to an extent anyway.
Thankfully blokewife…..or as she has been known for the last week “Wifey” understands what it means to a blokeman to be a bloke, and a wonderous thing happened this week, you see Wifey works in advertising sales, and this week she visited a homebrew beer store, in here region trying to sell some advertising in her paper. Oldmate, and an honoury blokeman legend and possibly someone more blokey than I, managed to get Wifey to have a free glass of homebrew beer, enough that she came home telling me she enjoyed it. Now there is an upside and a downside to this
1) UPSIDE:Wifey can handle drinking beer
2) DOWNSIDE: Wifey may want to drink MY beer….there was nothing in our vows about that though
So me and Mr Homebrew need to have a word about priorities and a man’s beer is his beer and not Wifeys. But one thing I have to praise the man for is that when Wifey was in there he showed her the “Keginator” and wifey said that once we have paid off the last of the wedding, she is taking me in there to get one and a full keg setup…….oh how I love homebrew man now 
Posted by Blokeman on March 31, 2009 under General Bloke Stuff |
It was bound to happen sooner or later, but you would have thought that uprooting myself and my partner to move 1300kms north away from any reasonable career opportunities just so my partner could be closer to her family would have earned me a little more than 10 months leeway, but apparently not.
So 2 weekends back there I was minding my own business, well actually we rushed back from the shops as the mother in law had arrived at our house, so that we could meet up with her, putting a dampener on the plans we already had. She brought her little dog with her, and I use the term loosely. It is a tea cup Pomeranian, nuff said.
Now I will be the first to admit that I am not the biggest fan of this “Dog” but I tolerate it as I do all animals, however this is what I was greeted with
1 – I sit down the dog jumps on my lap, covered in pee where it had wet itself, I shove it off and go wash my hands and change clothes
2 – I go inside and my partner lets the dog in. It pees on the rug. I clean it up and sit down to watch the football
3 – I catch the thing pissing on my carpet!!!!! I yell at it and tell it to get out. Granted not in nice tones, but 3 strikes, come on, don’t piss on my carpet, the dog is over a year old it should be over that and I would have thought after I had said it pissed on the rug, the matter would have been resolved by the dog being removed from the house.
But no. It proceeds to piss on the carpet, and I caught it right as it was starting to pee. So I yelled at it, with a sound of utter contempt in my voice and shooed it from the house.
This has greatly upset the inlaws, and we are currently not on speaking terms, I have to keep reminding my partner that the dog is a dog and not a child, the dog does no rationalise, it knows it did something wrong, something very wrong, and if it is ever in my house again will think twice about pissing on my carpet.
The thing that irks me is that I am being treated like I yelled at a 3 year old child, I didnt even yell that loud, I just did the standard “uh-uh” and “Outside, get outside NOW” shit what a terrible thing to say, how dare I yell at a dog. I cant stand people that treat their animals as if they are human, they are animals, with no rationale, just instinctual.
I guess the silver lining is that I wont have to bother yelling at the dog for a while, because I am barred from seeing it because I “Hate it, obviously”……no I hate animal piss on my carpet!
