Posted by Blokeman on February 7, 2010 under General Bloke Stuff | 
Long had I held the suspicion that the little golden ring that was placed upon a ladies finger, held magical powers, powers such as the ability to utter “Where’s my dinner” and still manage to get dinner, keep your teeth and sleep in your own bed. But alas men, don’t be fooled, that little golden ring, is but another shackle for women to place upon you.
“Do you see a ring on this finger” was a phrase made popular by Eddie Murphy, and it left a generation of men sitting there, believing that the outlandish shit proposed by our dear friend eddie, would all be possible once we placed that little slither upon our fair ladies hand…….but no men…don’t believe it, it’s just a way for your bitch to show that she owns you.
It’s been one week and Blokeman has has lost a massive part of his blokiness, well to an extent anyway.
Thankfully blokewife…..or as she has been known for the last week “Wifey” understands what it means to a blokeman to be a bloke, and a wonderous thing happened this week, you see Wifey works in advertising sales, and this week she visited a homebrew beer store, in here region trying to sell some advertising in her paper. Oldmate, and an honoury blokeman legend and possibly someone more blokey than I, managed to get Wifey to have a free glass of homebrew beer, enough that she came home telling me she enjoyed it. Now there is an upside and a downside to this
1) UPSIDE:Wifey can handle drinking beer
2) DOWNSIDE: Wifey may want to drink MY beer….there was nothing in our vows about that though
So me and Mr Homebrew need to have a word about priorities and a man’s beer is his beer and not Wifeys. But one thing I have to praise the man for is that when Wifey was in there he showed her the “Keginator” and wifey said that once we have paid off the last of the wedding, she is taking me in there to get one and a full keg setup…….oh how I love homebrew man now 
Posted by 
Blokeman on March 31, 2009 under General Bloke Stuff |
It was bound to happen sooner or later, but you would have thought that uprooting myself and my partner to move 1300kms north away from any reasonable career opportunities just so my partner could be closer to her family would have earned me a little more than 10 months leeway, but apparently not.
So 2 weekends back there I was minding my own business, well actually we rushed back from the shops as the mother in law had arrived at our house, so that we could meet up with her, putting a dampener on the plans we already had. She brought her little dog with her, and I use the term loosely. It is a tea cup Pomeranian, nuff said.
Now I will be the first to admit that I am not the biggest fan of this “Dog” but I tolerate it as I do all animals, however this is what I was greeted with
1 – I sit down the dog jumps on my lap, covered in pee where it had wet itself, I shove it off and go wash my hands and change clothes
2 – I go inside and my partner lets the dog in. It pees on the rug. I clean it up and sit down to watch the football
3 – I catch the thing pissing on my carpet!!!!! I yell at it and tell it to get out. Granted not in nice tones, but 3 strikes, come on, don’t piss on my carpet, the dog is over a year old it should be over that and I would have thought after I had said it pissed on the rug, the matter would have been resolved by the dog being removed from the house.
But no. It proceeds to piss on the carpet, and I caught it right as it was starting to pee. So I yelled at it, with a sound of utter contempt in my voice and shooed it from the house.
This has greatly upset the inlaws, and we are currently not on speaking terms, I have to keep reminding my partner that the dog is a dog and not a child, the dog does no rationalise, it knows it did something wrong, something very wrong, and if it is ever in my house again will think twice about pissing on my carpet.
The thing that irks me is that I am being treated like I yelled at a 3 year old child, I didnt even yell that loud, I just did the standard “uh-uh” and “Outside, get outside NOW” shit what a terrible thing to say, how dare I yell at a dog. I cant stand people that treat their animals as if they are human, they are animals, with no rationale, just instinctual.
I guess the silver lining is that I wont have to bother yelling at the dog for a while, because I am barred from seeing it because I “Hate it, obviously”……no I hate animal piss on my carpet!
Posted by Blokeman on March 8, 2009 under General Bloke Stuff |
As some of my loyal readers may know, Imade the move from Sydney, NSW, Australia to Hervey Bay, QLD, Australia. Since moving up to this regional area from the city, I have had to learn many things, and come to terms, with the major differences, in climate, friends, lifestyle and the differences in the natural world.
I have been confronted, with snakes, almost run down by kangaroos, spiders as big as your hand, grasshoppers that are directly from the Jurassic period, rain so heavy you would swear you were swimming under a water fall and coming to terms with owning a home and the various activities that go with that, i.e. building and maintenance.
It looks like now, I will be confronted with my first ever cyclone. A cyclone is a severe tropical storm, known as a Typhoon or Hurricaine in other parts of the world. The one header our way is apparently the same in size and power as Hurricaine Katrina that devistated New Orleans in the USA. At this stage the cyclone is sitting a fair way North of us but is heading nearly directly towards us, but only moving at about 15km/ph. There is an eerie feel about the town, though by and large people are just going about their business.
Tomorrow will be the exciting time for us. We are likely to go from Watch (48 hour warning) to Warning (storm going to hit within 24hours). Basically that means, we are in iminant danger, and it is time for us to not only clear all loose objects and tie things down, but also to prepare to either evacuate or if staying, get inside and stay inside. Winds are picking up and we need to make our decision by midday tomorrow of whether we are staying through te storm or whether we are high tailing it to safer ground. The Blokeman in me says stay, chain myself to a tree and take that sucker on, the adult in me says pack the car, photo albums, dogs and fiance and get the hell out of town…….though I think we will take the middle ground secure the house, have some friends and family over and ride it out together in the hallway of the house…….
Bring it on………………….
