Posted by 
Blokeman on March 31, 2009 under General Bloke Stuff | 
It was bound to happen sooner or later, but you would have thought that uprooting myself and my partner to move 1300kms north away from any reasonable career opportunities just so my partner could be closer to her family would have earned me a little more than 10 months leeway, but apparently not.
So 2 weekends back there I was minding my own business, well actually we rushed back from the shops as the mother in law had arrived at our house, so that we could meet up with her, putting a dampener on the plans we already had. She brought her little dog with her, and I use the term loosely. It is a tea cup Pomeranian, nuff said.
Now I will be the first to admit that I am not the biggest fan of this “Dog” but I tolerate it as I do all animals, however this is what I was greeted with
1 - I sit down the dog jumps on my lap, covered in pee where it had wet itself, I shove it off and go wash my hands and change clothes
2 - I go inside and my partner lets the dog in. It pees on the rug. I clean it up and sit down to watch the football
3 - I catch the thing pissing on my carpet!!!!! I yell at it and tell it to get out. Granted not in nice tones, but 3 strikes, come on, don’t piss on my carpet, the dog is over a year old it should be over that and I would have thought after I had said it pissed on the rug, the matter would have been resolved by the dog being removed from the house.
But no. It proceeds to piss on the carpet, and I caught it right as it was starting to pee. So I yelled at it, with a sound of utter contempt in my voice and shooed it from the house.
This has greatly upset the inlaws, and we are currently not on speaking terms, I have to keep reminding my partner that the dog is a dog and not a child, the dog does no rationalise, it knows it did something wrong, something very wrong, and if it is ever in my house again will think twice about pissing on my carpet.
The thing that irks me is that I am being treated like I yelled at a 3 year old child, I didnt even yell that loud, I just did the standard “uh-uh” and “Outside, get outside NOW” shit what a terrible thing to say, how dare I yell at a dog. I cant stand people that treat their animals as if they are human, they are animals, with no rationale, just instinctual.
I guess the silver lining is that I wont have to bother yelling at the dog for a while, because I am barred from seeing it because I “Hate it, obviously”……no I hate animal piss on my carpet!
Posted by Blokeman on March 8, 2009 under General Bloke Stuff |
As some of my loyal readers may know, Imade the move from Sydney, NSW, Australia to Hervey Bay, QLD, Australia. Since moving up to this regional area from the city, I have had to learn many things, and come to terms, with the major differences, in climate, friends, lifestyle and the differences in the natural world.
I have been confronted, with snakes, almost run down by kangaroos, spiders as big as your hand, grasshoppers that are directly from the Jurassic period, rain so heavy you would swear you were swimming under a water fall and coming to terms with owning a home and the various activities that go with that, i.e. building and maintenance.
It looks like now, I will be confronted with my first ever cyclone. A cyclone is a severe tropical storm, known as a Typhoon or Hurricaine in other parts of the world. The one header our way is apparently the same in size and power as Hurricaine Katrina that devistated New Orleans in the USA. At this stage the cyclone is sitting a fair way North of us but is heading nearly directly towards us, but only moving at about 15km/ph. There is an eerie feel about the town, though by and large people are just going about their business.
Tomorrow will be the exciting time for us. We are likely to go from Watch (48 hour warning) to Warning (storm going to hit within 24hours). Basically that means, we are in iminant danger, and it is time for us to not only clear all loose objects and tie things down, but also to prepare to either evacuate or if staying, get inside and stay inside. Winds are picking up and we need to make our decision by midday tomorrow of whether we are staying through te storm or whether we are high tailing it to safer ground. The Blokeman in me says stay, chain myself to a tree and take that sucker on, the adult in me says pack the car, photo albums, dogs and fiance and get the hell out of town…….though I think we will take the middle ground secure the house, have some friends and family over and ride it out together in the hallway of the house…….
Bring it on………………….
Posted by Blokeman on February 20, 2009 under General Bloke Stuff |
I thought I would preempt this with apologies for a lack of posts. I just haven’t had time nor motivation what with other projects and work getting in the way, this post, too will be brief.
Last night I was awoken with a sudden pain in my stomach and as realisation dawned upon me through the haze of the world between awakedness and comforting slumber, I threw back the sheets and made an all out dash for the bathroom, kicking my little toe on the door frame on my way through I swallowed down a scream and continued my dash of mercy.
Making it to the bathroom in the nick of time, I managed to remove said boxers and proceeded to spray paint the toilet bowl a violent shade of brown and probably yellow I spent the next 30 minutes or so sitting there, my legs a cramping, sweat beading on my brow and fighting off sleep, lest I slip from the porcelain throne and project my body produced art on the walls of the bathroom.
Thinking it was all over I cleaned up and decided the couch would be the best place to rest my head, due to it’s proximity to the bathroom and not wanting to wake my other half.
It was whilst sitting there, that I was reminded of an advert from my childhood, that wen a little like this: “How does it feel <insert something that you have done>, it feels like a tooheys” obviously, this advert lent itself to many a school yard variation, it was one such variation that came to mind and reminded me of the easer of youth.
“How does it feel, when you’re sitting on the Dunny and yours shit’s all runny and the doorbell rings”
For my non-Australian readers, a “Dunny” refers to the toilet.
I started to ponder on this little ditty, and thought how very apt and descriptive of the youth who came up with this, for I believe that many of us have been in the situation, where we have in fact been sitting on the dunny, and the doorbell rings, humans being naturally curious creatures are then split between finishing what you set out to do, on your journey to the bathroom, and getting up to find out who was at the door. For many the mystery of never knowing would be too much and they would have to get up, to others, well it’s a matter of getting through the ordeal and preferring to never know.
However…..when you’re shit’s all runny, well the choice, is taken from your hands, you have no way of getting up, unless you leave a slippery trail of disgusting mess, this is the true genius in the song. Because everyone knows exactly what it would feel like to be sitting on the dunny, with their shit all runny, and the doorbell rings……
